It was a regular school day for me, as a senior at Rosmini College in Auckland, with a new visitor to our class. I do not remember why we had a visitor, but as with anyone new, introductions were necessary and I immediately felt the usual fear of speaking. I would make any excuse not to speak up and avoidance of speaking, (and situations that required speaking), had always been my first line of defence.
However, that was not an option this time and I stuttered out my name, red faced and embarrassed. Finally, it was over and with a sense of relief I could sit down again, and go back to my silence.
That silence was my protection, my comfort blanket.
Growing up, and as a child, I pretty much did not say anything of consequence, or challenge anything. Rather, I relied on the platitudes of life that related to growing up in New Zealand. Looking back, I recall the expression of embarrassment from my Dad when I could not speak properly.
The ridicule you endure at school when you have difficulty speaking. The family get-togethers where you didn’t really speak and you pretty much get classed as “quiet” or “shy”. As a result, you spend your time in your own mind, where you can talk and think freely.
There was another side of this for me as a person. As a child growing up in Paraparaumu and shifting around the North Island for my Dad’s employment, it meant I had many new school days, new places, and new situations. What did that do for me? How did I develop? How did that change me?
I later discovered that avoidance is your worst enemy. It’s a way to give in every time to your own fears, then that fear of speaking becomes more entrenched, and becomes its own self-repeating and self-fulfilling prophecy.
Going back to that day at Rosmini College, the visitor to the class was Vivienne Mills. She approached me after the class, and in the most sensitive way, talked to me and offered me help. We all have these moments in our lives, where something happens that changes the direction of your life. There’s a new pattern, a shift, a quiet change on a regular-as-can-be school day.
This story, being spoken here, is not for me…….
This story is a reflection of the importance of what we do as a group of people here today, and as an organisation, that we are giving the ability to children to speak up and speak freely, to break that silence, embarrassment, or whatever cycle they are on.